His Gift
by remember-nomore
Summary: Eve remembers Lindsey and learns to embrace the gift he left her a year later. Eve, Lindsey, Angel


It's been nearly a year since he left me, chose another and left me alone. By the grace of something I'm not even sure I believe in, I survived. I survived that night when he didn't. He was gunned down by some Pylean reject, leaving this world with another's name on his lips.

Angel.

That's what it all comes down to, Angel. It was always about Angel. I guess it's my fault in a way, I knew it from the beginning. Day one I showed up at his door, telling Lindsey about the Partners plan and he already knew, he knew that they were giving Angel the keys to the kingdom, the kingdom he thought was his. He had a new mission from that day on and I should have known then that I would always be second to him.

And here I thought I would always be second to Darla…

After the Halloween party I often wondered if Lindsey knew about my sleeping with Angel, even though it was a spell. I never told him, I never had the heart to. One of the things he told me time and time again as we got closer was that he loved me but he loved even more that he finally had something that was his, that Angel never got his hands on.

I wanted to tell him he was wrong, but for some reason I always felt like I didn't have to, like he almost knew.

Thinking back after that night making love with Lindsey was always more passionate, like there was more fire and anger to it. I think maybe he did know and I was the only one privileged enough to feel what Angel would have felt if Lindsey and him…

I can't even think about it. Thinking about him…_them_makes my stomach turn…

Or maybe it's something else that does, maybe it's this gift that Lindsey left me the night the world fell apart.

So now I stand, ten months after my lover – the love of my created life – left me, in front of this glass. My bare feet on the cold floor as I watch as if I'm in some sort of trance at the failing arms and legs, screams of discomfort falling from it's lips.

"Mrs. McDonald?" I blink and shake my head slowly, turning and looking at the woman standing there with the door open to the room. I've forgotten for a moment she was talking to me, that name was as foreign as it was comforting.

After that night I'd taken everything that was left of him and the bits of myself and moved as far as I could from LA. It was nothing but a burial ground to me and I would be damned if I would walk around that grave and try to live a life. I took his name as a way to keep whatever I could of him for myself – I don't just mean material possessions either – and I started a new life. My human life.

Hamilton told me that I will now live and die as a mortal, I was frightened then by his words, now I looked forward to it even as I dreaded it. Now I look forward to living, living a life they tried to implant in me but deny me the ability to live. But I also look forward to my death, I look forward to it in hopes that he's there with me in whatever place I end up.

She speaks my name again, the smile on her face getting bigger and more expecting of me to acknowledge her. She smiles to me like everything in the world was going to be ok. "Would you like to come in." Her words weren't in the form of a question; it was a statement. It was almost as if it was an expectation of me. I guess in a way it was. I'm part of this new life now and with this new life come new laws. So like the rest of the human race I smile sweetly and nod, walking past her into the room.

I look down at this creature that I know will become my life, it will take long before it will give – if it decides to at all. But the second I look into his eyes I know that I will love it however I know how and that I will make him the center of my life.

He has his father's eyes, the ones that captivate and keep you long after the look is gone. His tiny hand wraps around my finger and doesn't let go; it reminds me of how much Lindsey has my heart even after his death and how much I let him get to me. But he's gone, taken away from me and no manner of pleading will ever bring him back…and for days after that night I did plead, I pleaded to the Partners to bring him back. I even offered my own life.

But to them even that was useless.

My eyes turn down to the tag at the foot of his crib, a square piece of paper no bigger then an index card. It holds such presence, power and heft to the words written on there – words that I've given – that even though it makes my stomach knot, it also makes me smile.

_**Mother**: Eve McDonald  
**DOB**: March 10, 2006  
**Weight**: 7lbs 5oz  
**Name**: Liam McDonald_


End file.
